Sonic's Bad Quills Day
by nld200xy
Summary: This is a satire on the new-age Sonic games that suck and just some things that make Sonic games kinda dumb in terms of concept. Mind you, I love Sonic, but this seemed like a fun idea, so here it is.


Sonic's Bad Quills Day

Sonic's Bad Quills Day

Disclaimer: A majority of the characters in this are not mine. Also, this whole thing is a big parody, so don't take it seriously.

Prologue: The History behind this Fic

Conker's Bad Fur Day is undoubtedly one of the best games for the N64, meanwhile the new Sonic games have been lacking so far. One day, a strange idea for a fan-made game hit me: why not make a Sonic game reminiscent of Conker's Bad Fur Day that's soul purpose is to make fun of the downfall of the Sonic franchise? (This isn't my personal opinion now because Sonic's starting to improve. This idea is over a year old)

Sadly, there was one problem: I don't have the technology or the money to afford the technology to make such a game, so in the end, all I could do was turn it into a story, which I just decided now. For a whole year, I came up with plot elements for this, but the hardest thing was… how do we make it in-character while making the characters Conker-esque? Well, it was then I abandoned the whole "Make it a lot like Conker's Bad Fur Day and just make it slightly similar". Then I started coming up with some rather original storylines with references of characters straight from the Sonic games that often get bashed.

So here I bring you the story version of my never-gonna-happen fan-game. I hope you understand that this is all satire, and seeing as this was inspired by Conker, do not expect clean humor.

Chapter 1 Part 1: Step Aside, Eggman! Make Way for a Real Villain

It was certainly a nice day in the city of some Japanese place, but one person was not enjoying the nice weather. Eggman was up to his old plans.

The fat man in the red suit with the orange mustache and an egg-shaped build stood tall looking upon his men.

"Alright, I have devised a brilliant new approach in my plan for world conquest!" he announced as the robots listened attentively.

"Here's my super genius plan," Eggman stated, pulling down blueprints for everyone to see, "I am going to invent a giant super robot with a very obvious weak spot. I'm actually going to give the weak spot a label this time because it will look intimidating. Then I will use this robot to go into the city and… KILL SONIC THE HEDGEHOG!"

All was silent as one robot raised his hand and asked, "Eggman, with all due respect, is your IQ really 300?"

"Yes!" Eggman remarked, "Why do you ask?"

"Well, this seems stupider than usual," the robot said as Eggman pondered this and replied, "Explain for me, please."

"Well, it's really quite simple, actually," the robot said, "You never make your robots strong enough. Your last invention was designed specifically to kill itself, and this one doesn't seem like much of an improvement. Look at these blueprints, it looks like you're making a Tickle-Me-Elmo rather than a destructive super robot. Also, what kind of idiot labels the weak point? Can't you ever make your robots unstoppable."

"NEVER!" Eggman retorted very angry to have been told off by one of his loyal subjects, "I believe in giving my foes a fair chance!"

"And that is why you fail as a villain now," uttered a dark voice from behind Eggman.

The doctor turned to the source as he saw a dark man wearing a cloak. Only red eyes showed on his face and black hands with pointy fingers came from under the sleeves.

"Who are you?" Eggman asked as the man grabbed the doctor by his throat and spat, "SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU OLD BAT! Your time as a villain is up! You have failed too many times and your motives are far too generic. That is why I have been called in to take your place. I am…"

Then a thunderbolt came crashing down as he announced his name: "SAMONOSUKE!!"

Then a bunch of bats came in singing, "Es tuan sintariasu, ira bee hementii, SAMONOSUKE!!"

Samonosuke took down the bats and summoned a lightning bolt to kill the special effects guy and snapped, "THAT WAS TOO OVERDRAMATIC! NOT NEEDED!!"

Then he grinned at Eggman and said, "Eggman, you're probably wondering why I'm here…"

"No, I'm not," Eggman said, clearly wetting himself after seeing the lightning bolt, "You just told me you were sent to replace me."

"Oh, terribly sorry," Samonosuke replied, "I was just distracted by the bats and the special effects guy, I lost track of what I was doing… anyway, your time is up!"

With that, he summoned a big black vortex that pulled Eggman into it. With his last ounce of strength, Eggman shouted rather overdramatically into the distance, "IF YOU TOUCH MY CHOCOLATE STASH, I WILL KICK YOU IN THE NUUUUUUUUUUTSSSSSS!!"

Samonosuke licked his lips and said, "I do love chocolate. Well, I can risk losing my balls for chocolate. Anyway, you robots!"

"Yes?" asked the smart-mouthed robot from earlier as Samonosuke folded his arms and said, "Here is what you must do. You must pose as regular villains in the first couple of levels so Sonic will think that we are actually trying to kill him all the time when the reality is that only the bosses are supposed to kill him. You know what? Screw it! I'll just make every villain so beatable that he'll have a chance to fight me in the end! That's what real villains do!"

"You sound just like Eggman now," the robot remarked, "And here I had respect for you."

"Fine," Samonosuke said, "I'll actually try to beat him with the minor villains, but still, you guys gotta be there to make the first 2 levels easy. It doesn't work otherwise. I may as well bring in my brother to help me out."

Just then, another vortex appeared as a dark figure with a pitch-black body, two big horns coming out of his head and some strange garment around his shoulders appeared and said in a soft voice, "Samonosuke, how's it going in the flipside, bro?"

"Never say that again," Samonosuke retorted as the smart-mouthed robot asked, "Um… excuse me, but is that Black Doom?"

"Why, yes, I am," Black Doom remarked, "So, I get another shot at destroying the world. Allow me to call in my aliens, and yes, they're just aliens. Whether they are black or white, aliens are aliens. These humans are so damn racist to just call them the black aliens without a second thought."

With that, he summoned a bunch of big aliens who, as soon as they showed up, attacked the robots. The robot had no choice but to kill them all as Black Doom shouted, "TRAITORS! HOW DARE YOU KILL MY ALIENS!!"

"They attacked the robots first," Samonosuke said, "Seriously, control your allies for once. It's no wonder you were only used once."

"HOW DARE YOU TALK BACK TO ME!?" Black Doom spat as Samonosuke sighed, "Look, either cooperate or I'll replace you with Mephiles."

"NO!" Black Doom shouted in response to this, "I AM NOT GOING TO BE REPLACED BY THAT SHADOW RECOLOR!"

"Good to see we're on the same page," Samonosuke said, "Now to devise our evil plan for world conquest. But first, we must eat chips… also, robots, send out a more powerful version of Eggman's super robot after Sonic to let him know there's danger, but HIDE THE WEAKSPOT!"

Chapter 1 Part 2: Super Robot needs no Label

Sonic was enjoying a fine day at the beach that day. The blue hedgehog with the attitude and the red shoes of awesomeness only wanted to lay down the bathe in the sun.

"Come on in, Sonic!" Amy shouted as grunted. He wished she would use judgment and take into consideration that the hedgehog couldn't swim.

Just then, something scary happened; Amy emerged from the water and walked towards Sonic carrying a loving gesture, a shell shaped like a heart!

"OH HELLS NO!" Sonic spat as he got up and started to run away from the crazed pink hedgehog with the red headband.

"I don't get it," Knuckles said, "Why doesn't Sonic just use full speed when running from Amy? I swear, when he runs from her nowadays, he runs at the exact same speed she does."

The red echidna when the white markings on his chest simply went back to doing the backstroke when he heard a rumbling from the ground.

"What was that?" Sonic asked as Knuckles said, "I'm very sure it was the wind."

Sonic let down a sweat drop as another rumble came into the area and Knuckles said, "Yes, that's definitely the sound wind makes." (Yes, this is a YGO Abridged reference. I hope LK doesn't mind)

All fun at the beach stopped when a big robot showed up in the area. The robot was rather well-detailed and very big. He kind of resembled a megazord, so you can easily imagine what he looked like.

The yellow fox boy, Tails, who had two tails, hence the simplicity in his nickname, flew in on his blue airplane, the X Tornado! Tails' real name was Miles Prower, but he hated that name, and personally, I can't blame him.

He landed next to Sonic, ran out and shouted, "SONIC, THERE'S A GIANT ROBOT ATTACKING THE CITY!"

"No shit, Sherlock!" Sonic retorted, "What do you think I am, blind?"

"Well, now that Sega's taken away my ability to fight, that's all I'm good for," Tails replied as Sonic slapped his forehead and said, "Sonic Team better not screw us over with Sonic Unleashed. I see too many great things from that game, but then again, Sonic Next Gen also looked like it was going to be the best, but it was UNFINISHED!"

Sonic ran at the robot and delivered a Spin Dash to its leg. Sadly, this dealt no damage as the robot sent him flying into a palm tree.

"Sonic!" shouted a hedgehog who resembled Sonic only he was black with red bristles.

"Oh, hey Shadow," Sonic said, "You here to help?"

"No, I'm only here to give you obvious advice that you don't need," Shadow replied, "Just be happy you're actually being used in this adventure."

"No need to get all boast-like," Sonic remarked as Shadow spat, "What reason could I possibly have to boast? My game was only average!"

"Okay, that's enough Shadow the Hedgehog flaming for one day," Sonic remarked, "Seriously, that game is bashed way too much. Anyway, what did you come to tell me?"

"Well, his weakness is the back of his neck," Shadow said as Knuckles remarked, "How can you tell? There's no label on it."

Shadow blinked at him, narrowed his eyes and said, "Get out of my sight."

Then he said, "Now, look, getting to the back of his neck is no easy task. You'll need to wait for him to attack, jump on his arm and run all the way up to some grind rail that's conveniently attached to his elbow and grind up it to the back of his neck."

"Is there an easier way?" Sonic asked as Shadow handed the blue hedgehog a gun and said, "Use this."

"A gun?" Sonic remarked, "Where in the hell did you get a gun? Why in the hell would you need a gun, Mr. Ultimate Life Form?"

"Never mind that," Shadow replied, "You have business to fulfill."

Sonic shrugged and shot at the back of the robot's neck, which the robot stupidly exposed like a moron right to the point where the gun was out of bullets and the robot was destroyed.

"Wow," Sonic said with amazement, "I wasn't even really aiming it."

"That's the great thing with these guns," Shadow said, "They lock on automatically."

As the robot fell, Tails noticed the Eggman logo on it and said, "Well, you do know what this means, right?"

"I have the SAAAAAAVE the world," Sonic groaned, "Fine, but I want to get a real girlfriend out of it this time."

"That's not gonna happen," Tail said as Sonic grumbled curses under his breath and Amy just followed the group like a sheep.

And thus began the epic adventure to defeat a rather uninspired villain, woohoo.


End file.
